TV is the New Reading

It’s the end of the year, time for a list

It’s the end of the year! Time for a fond look back! And a hopeful look forward! And a real time-saver, mailed-in column like a list!

Yeah, sorry about that. Really, lists are the most ridiculous, arbitrary structure to pull in for a year-end column comparing lots of things to lots of things that ultimately have little basis for comparison.

Just from a promo, a Barbara Walters special crowned Michelle Obama the “most fascinating” person of 2009, which is charming, until you consider she was in the running against such luminaries as Glenn Beck and Kate Gosselin.

It does not take being married to the leader of the free world to be more fascinating than Kate Gosselin. Oh, in sheer number of children, Kate wins hands down. But in terms of fascinating, "Balloon Boy" Falcon Heene is more Kate’s speed. Glenn’s too, for that matter.

But cheesy and pointless as end-of-the-year lists are, what they do is get us out the door faster for the holidays. So without further ado, I give you my list of five best shows of 2009, five worst shows of 2009 and five most anticipated premieres in 2010.

A disclaimer: These are completely arbitrary. I mean honestly, me and a dartboard couldn’t be a lot more random in terms of the final selections or rankings so there’s no need to write in and tell me Peter Krause was way more interesting in “Dirty Sexy Money” than Jonny Lee Miller was in “Eli Stone” and both shows should’ve made my top fives ... because honestly, it just doesn’t matter that much to me. These are my lists. I understand my colleague Andrea is also making a list. You can make your own lists.

Five best shows of 2009

I should have made this the five best new shows of 2009 but I wanted to include the endlessly interesting “Pushing Daisies,” which premiered in 2007. Bryan Fuller’s fairytale for adults about Ned the Piemaker whose touch can reanimate the dead and a second touch will kill it dead, who brings the love of his life back to life and can never touch her again, it’s such wonderful and occasionally naughty tension that combined with the beautiful art direction and poetry of the narration, the show was unlike anything else on television and as such was doomed to tiny audiences. Even so, the last couple minutes of the series finale were two of the most powerful moments on television this past year -- a year that includes, by way of comparison, all the Michael Jackson tributes and President Obama’s inauguration.

Fourth best show was probably “The Vampire Diaries” on the CW. It’s true that the teen drama is as soapy and pointless as anything on that network, but the vampire mythos lends enough action and suspense and as I mentioned in my weekend blog, with the exception of “True Blood on HBO, it’s probably some of the best vampire storytelling out there right now.

Third best new show was “Castle,” starring Nathan Fillion in the title role as murder mystery writer Richard Castle. Castle paired up with impossibly hot NYPD homicide detective Kate Becket, on whom he modeled his latest heroine, Nikki Heat. The mysteries they investigate are nothing special, but the banter and the chemistry between the leads is wonderful.

I’d say second best new show was probably “Dollhouse,” which premiered in February and the close of its second season was announced last month. In the Joss Whedon action-adventure romantic suspense fantasy, the rich and powerful can hire the strong and beautiful to fulfill any role and perform any service, however dangerous or unseemly, complete with muscle memory and personality imprints. The most recent episodes have revealed a worldwide conspiracy hidden by these constructs that raise some dark ethical questions indeed.

Finally, best new show of the year, hands down, is Ryan Murphy’s “Glee.” True, people who burst into song do and should get slushies in the face. But these people are weaving some amazing storylines well worthy of the creator of “Nip/Tuck,” and a musical about the behind-the-scenes angst centered on the hopes, dreams, fears and aspirations of people in the most emotional time of their lives makes for good television.

Five worst shows of 2009

There are some real stinkers out there, so I’ll focus on the greatest disappointments, which for me include “HawthoRNe” on TNT, “White Collar” on USA, “Modern Family” on ABC, “Hank” on NBC and “Defying Gravity” on ABC, a show in which pretty astronauts mill about the solar system 40 years from now and learn and share and grow, and occasionally get naked.

I can already see how pointless this is. I’d have loved to mention “Accidentally on Purpose,” “FlashForward,” “Fringe,” “Better Off Ted” and “The Unusuals” among my best list. And the worst list is incomplete without “Being Human,” “Three Rivers,” The Listener," “Dark Blue” and “Trauma” and please, let’s talk seriously for a moment: “SouthLAnd.” That thing was so bad NBC balled it up and threw it at the back of TNT’s head.

Five anticipated premieres

“SouthLAnd” will be returning on that channel soon enough with a commercial-free encore of its pilot episode in January, just in case it was moving too fast for people (it’s a hack cop drama with a choppy narrative -- enjoy). That is not one of my top most anticipated premieres. That merely serves as a transition.

I am looking forward to the FOX premiere with the place-holder title “Human Target.” Apparently the show is based on a comic book action hero who in this case is played by Mark Valley. He puts himself in dangerous situations to cause the bad guys to reveal themselves. Sounds like a blast.

Another premiere I’m looking forward to quite a lot includes the sixth-season return of “Lost” in February. Billed as the trippy time-traveling show’s final season, I’m guessing there’s going to be some wacky science and physics to contend with.

Also hotly anticipated is the third-season premiere of “Breaking Bad” in March. When we left our antihero, high-school chemistry teacher and crystal meth dealer extraordinaire Walter White’s wife had left him, and so far as we can tell, her plane may have blown up in a midair collision.

Again, this is so arbitrary, and this list seems so incomplete without mentioning “Leverage” on TNT, “Burn Notice” on USA, “Damages” on FX and “Caprica” on Syfy, all set for January premieres and returns, all of which should be excellent -- as well as animated spy spoof “Archer” on FX which should at least be good for a laugh or two, and FOX action-adventure series “24” which should at least get things started with a bang.

But in fact I’m looking forward to the January fifth-season resume of “Psych,” which ducked into fall hiatus early to make room for the hugely disappointing “White Collar.”

And most of all I’m looking forward to the third-season premiere of “Chuck,” in which accidental spy and electronics retailer Charles Bartowski absorbs the Intersect 2.0, a neural interface that transforms him into a superspy. How that will play out is way up in the air, but my guess is that it will be some truly compelling fun.

Yep, lists of best and worst things certainly put a button on 2009, and clear the slate for a whole new batch of wonder and merriment in 2010. Enjoy!

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