TV is the New Reading

ABC’s “True Beauty” could use an ethicist

ABC’s new reality show “True Beauty” finds 10 gods and goddesses of fitness, youth and outer regard gathered in a glass pantheon in the City of Angels. All have been selected for their physical perfection in a competition ostensibly to crown one of them the most beautiful person in America.

The twist is that outer beauty is only one factor in the competition. Judges are also judging them on their inner beauty, with the admonition, “True beauty comes from within.”

It’s true that once you get past the fabulous people strutting about like lions on the savannah, there’s not a lot of “there” there. It’s also true that the judges -- Cheryl Tiegs, Nole Marin and Vanessa Minnillo -- all hail from the world of fashion so the show is in dire need of an ethicist.

For instance, in this week’s season premiere, the contestants were seated next to a chocolate fountain and a waiter was hired to slip, overturn the fountain and get everyone messy. Lots of the pretty people did get spattered and complained, but at least one of them did reach out to help the waiter and make sure he was OK, so the judges didn’t get many insights from that.

They did notice that one of the guys pitched in and helped one of the girls towel off, and they thought that it was nice he was helping. He was also feeling her up, however, so ethically, that’s at least a draw.

The pretties were taken to a plastic surgeon who gave them all a ranking between 91 and 95 on a 100-point scale of physical perfection. They were left alone in the room with everyone’s charts, and some of them – gasp! – peeked at other people’s private information.

One of the pretties who ended with the lowest “physical perfection” score got dinged by the judges for being a powder-room diva and for other pretties having a low opinion of her. “If you’re already making enemies,” Minnillo said, “that’s not inner beauty.” But to be fair, it’s not her fault that one of the other pretties has dismissed her as an airhead. She in fact already showed a little bit of depth by connecting with one of the other pretties’ poetry.

She ultimately survived the challenge, because the other person with the lowest physical perfection ranking had a potty mouth, snooped in her fellow pretties’ files and -- dun dun duuunnn -- wouldn’t help the coffee guy with the door when his hands were full. And when the judges called her on it, she opened her mouth and, in the face of all videotaped evidence to the contrary, stood there and lied to them.

Well, not only is she not pretty enough to continue, but she’s clearly just evil, so off she goes!

It’s as theatrical and pointless as anything you’ll see on television. But in this bleak midwinter when untalented “singers” are about to make spectacles of themselves in audition rounds for “American Idol,” this show is inoffensive eye candy with a “character counts” component.

I guess one could wish that the bar weren’t so terribly low.

“True Beauty” airs at 9 p.m. Mondays on ABC.

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