TV is the New Reading

Some shows are

off to a bad start

'Boston Legal'

The fifth and final season opener of ABC’s “Boston Legal” this week found Alan Shore and Denny Crane at sea, investigating a boatload of partybabes in their capacity as Coast Guard personnel. It was awkward, and it went downhill from there, falling nearly as flat as, well, Denny, who, it would seem, is suffering his first bout with erectile dysfunction.

And away we go.

The legal team faces off against – well, at this point it’s hard to swing a cat all the way around without hitting one – an old flame of Alan’s, and the awkwardness is ... well, awkward. The writing doesn’t really carry the intensity of the passion they were meant to have lost, but when Alan daydreams the courtroom exploding into a romantic song-and-dance number, it is impossible to avoid a comparison with ABC’s “Eli Stone” (returning Oct. 14), another show about an idealistic lawyer who wins more cases than he ought to – and frankly, a fresher and somehow more compelling show.

Alan and Denny were pulled in as co-counsel on a lawsuit against a tobacco company by Denny’s ex-fiancee Bethany, representing the family of a man who died of lung cancer after smoking all his life. And hilarity ensued. Well, not really. But Alan’s closing argument (in which he introduced at least as much testimony as he highlighted) was once again a thing of such masterful delivery the jury couldn’t resist and found for the plantiff.

Despite a tooth-and-nail fight to keep things excit- ing, it was a disappointing gambit. Here’s hoping it builds to the more energetic sendoff this wackadoo series deserves.

'The Shield'

Another disappointing outset recently was “The Shield” on FX. The Michael Chiklis vehicle has been lurching toward its series finale for the past couple of years, now. At its peak, Chiklis crackled as Vic Mackey, the Machiavellian leader of Los Angeles’ Farmington district’s anti-gang Strike Team.

He and a rough-and-ready gang of detectives manipulated the system, cracking down on gangs but harnessing the street violence and criminal activity for their own purposes – mostly serving, mostly protecting, but with enough self-interest to keep things interesting.

This season finds Mackey at loose ends with his ex-wife in legal trouble for reckless child endangerment, gallons of bad blood and mistrust flowing among the Strike Teamers and the precinct, a disciplinary board that wants nothing more than to kick Mackey out before his pension is vested, and proceeds from his glory-day booty (stolen from the Armenian mob) diminishing too fast to be of any real use.

Things look bleak. They’ve looked bleak before. But Mackey’s always managed to turn it around. It’s hard to say with certainty whether he’s going to this time as well. “The Shield” carries an MA rating for excellent reasons. It airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on FX.

'The Mentalist'

Finally, I owe the producers of “The Mentalist” an apology – that is, the show about the blithe funster wandering into crime scenes on CBS Tuesdays at 8 p.m. and telling people everything about themselves based on a few superficial observations.

I thought it sounded way too much like “Psych” on USA, in which James Roday has been doing exactly the same thing for three years now, and with a lot more charm and comedy.

In fact, it is way too much like absolutely any crime drama. Indeed, Simon Baker as Patrick Jane – a pseudo-psychic turned freelance California Bureau of Investigation detective – has a superficial charm, tossing off pronouncements about people and their various sins, crimes and foibles, but I don’t see it pulling me in every week when there’s so much else to watch.

If you miss “Close to Home,” Jerry Bruckheimer’s suburban legal drama that CBS canceled last year, this show is about your speed. Main character Jane has suffered a tragic loss that has made him mildly more interesting than he might be otherwise. But based on what I saw in the pilot, I don’t feel he can carry the show, and the team he’s plunked in the middle of (because every investigative procedural involves teams, now) isn’t much more interesting than he is.

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