TV is the New Reading

‘Pam’ set loose

on E!, fits right in

E!, the cable network that shares its name with an illicit drug, airs all sorts of truly pointless programming, and “Pam: Girl on the Loose” is no exception.

The reality-inspired schlockumentary stars Pamela Anderson, the Canadian-born sexpot who played a large pair of breasts in “Home Improvement,” “Baywatch,” “VIP,” “The Nanny,” “Stacked,” “Barb Wire,” a Comedy Central Roast and a sex-tape with Motley Crue drummer and then-husband Tommy Lee, and also voiced the title character for a Spike TV animated series called “Stripperella.” She’s gone on to marry singer Kid Rock for nearly four months and someone called Rick Salomon for 5-1/2 months. She has also appeared as a “Playboy” centerfold and in nearly two dozen “Playboy” productions.

The latest flurry of publicity picks up on her animal rights activism and her ... well ... um ... it’s a little ill-defined. “Pam: Girl on the Loose” opens with the actress organizing an estate sale in anticipation of moving into her new home.

FLASHCUT! to Las Vegas where she’s doing a photo shoot with a photographer who has a bus to catch or something – he finds waiting around for her while she gets her hair and makeup done so inconvenient. He manages to take several nude photos of her reading a book, however, before ...

FLASHCUT! she’s at Elton John’s Vegas show called “The Red Piano,” where she appears in a video doing a pole dance. It’s the first chance she’s had to view it from the audience and she’s ... well, she never actually says what she thinks of the show because ...

FLASHCUT! She’s back at her estate sale in California and no less a person than porn king Ron Jeremy is pawing about through her unmentionables and people are making offers on stacks and stacks of her used mattresses, while

FLASHCUT! She’s consulting with her architect about how work is progressing on her new home.

In and among all of this we meet her scruffy artist brother. We hear her praising the work of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and how the money she’s raising in her estate sale is going to support their work. And how the money raises at her children’s lemonade stand is going for some PETA project or another – although she insists her children will not be on film.

And we see her schmoozing a little with Playboy king Hugh Hefner, saying if her home isn’t ready for her to move into she’ll have to move into the Playboy mansion, and he says that she’s more than welcome.

Of course, that would be three E! productions aired from the Playboy mansion, then, what with the late former centerfold Anna Nicole Smith’s visit and E!s nonsensical “Girls Next Door,” which follows Hef’s girlfriends around on photoshoots and parties and other adventures.

Still, it’s more interesting than E!s “Sunset Tan” series by at least 20 I.Q. points altogether, so I suppose a half-dozen episodes of Ms. Anderson running about from place to place to place and being occasionally nude and pixellated isn’t the worst thing on television.

But it’s far from the best thing.

“Pam: Girl on the Loose” airs Sundays at 9 p.m. and encores many, many times throughout the week on the E! network.

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