TV is the New Reading

‘Hell’s Kitchen’ hath fury;

Chef Ramsay’s fourth season

off and cowering in a corner

Pity poor Gordon Ramsay.

Wherever he goes he is surrounded by would-be chefs, all of them so certain of their abilities, none of whom can manage to make toast.

That seems to be the central story of his life, at any rate, and at this point I’m not certain people aren’t actually trying to poison him. In Tuesday’s fourth-season premiere of “Hell’s Kitchen,” for instance, one of the wannabes served him Lyme disease.

Seriously, Chef Ramsay gave 15 chefs 45 minutes to produce a signature dish. One called his dish “Exotic Tartare” and it contained caviar and venison, along with a fish dish covered in white chocolate. It triggered Ramsay’s gag reflex. It triggered mine just hearing about it.

What could we expect, however, from a group as unqualified as this? Most of the wannabes have actual training, but even some of that seems suspicious. One of the wannabes billed herself as a “room service chef.” What on earth is that? Is that where you pop the soup packet in the microwave and get it to the room before all the heat’s gone out of it? Other notables were a stay-at-home dad and a paralegal – and in her case, she was actually one of the only wannabes to receive a compliment on her signature dish entry, a spicy mussel soup.

The chefs are competing for the executive chef position at Ramsay’s new LA/London restaurant, a post worth $250,000 a year. On their way, they will suffer bucketloads of abuse at the hands of a monster who can make a sous chef lose his souffle at 50 paces.

Schlubs

Drooling after the prize was Jason, one of the least motivated schlubs on the roster – Jason went out for a smoke within three minutes of starting the first challenge. Opening night of Hell’s Kitchen – the restaurant-slash-proving grounds for the challenge – he didn’t know what the five entrees were that he was meant to be serving.

No matter. None of the guys on the men’s team did. But even the women’s team, the one team with the organization and skills required to remember what it was they were meant to be serving only managed to plate and serve three appetizers before the diners – after three hours of waiting for their food – just gave up and went away in frustration.

Is it harder to cook for Gordon Ramsay? Absolutely. The guy has exacting standards and spends all his time and energy shouting at people in his quest for culinary perfection.

But given what he has to work with – honestly, one guy turned in a signature dish of a Cornish game hen in a hollowed-out pumpkin surrounded by oily hashbowns and he still somehow managed to dry out the bird – the prospects may be hopeless from the outset.

Features Editor Terry J. Aman compiles the Best Bets for The Minot Daily News.

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