TV is the New Reading

‘Clash of the Choirs’

comes to a head tonight

Two months into the writers strike I’m getting nervous about visions of spandex and silly combat arena situations in the offing. I’m hoping against hope that the series premiere of “The Sarah Connor Chronicles” and the return of “Medium” and “Lost” will have enough episodes scripted and shot that the new year isn’t as bleak as it otherwise might be.

Although honestly, at this point they should just send in the Supernanny to arbitrate whatever agreement she can make or give everyone a time out.

If I understand the schedule correctly, tonight is the series finale of “Clash of the Choirs.” It makes sense. The show is live, and apart from a few vocalists (who honestly weren’t that busy), the producers are dealing with 100 real people with real people’s schedules. They can’t realistically house and feed them in New York for any extended length of time.

Even so, it feels like they could tape the show over the course of a week and air it over the course of a month, allowing the live studio audience to vote. This wouldn’t work, however, since everyone in the live studio audience is actively rooting for one or another of the choirs – and waving their little signs around whenever they’re even accidentally in shot.

So the celebrity panel of Nick Lachey, Kelly Rowland, Michael Bolton, Blake Shelton and Patti LaBelle – each of whom had organized their own hometown choirs from Cincinnati; Houston; New Haven, Conn.; Oklahoma City and Philadelphia – were left to burble praise for each other’s choirs after each performance, cued by host Maria Menounos of “Access Hollywood,” who was appearing in her role as a walking wall of teeth.

Performances

And what performances. Monday night’s premiere gave us choral presentations of Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten,” George Michael’s “Freedom,” Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer,” Tom Cochrane’s “Life is a Highway” and a gospel arrangement of “In His Hands.”

The choirs aren’t competing for fame and fortune. They’re earning money for hometown charities, including children’s hospitals, soup kitchens, domestic violence, breast cancer and support for families of servicemen.

In fact, NBC’s parent corporation General Electric kicked in a significant donation for disabled veterans, which seemed to be equal parts generosity and promotion. But then if you can’t buy goodwill through your own network, why own one?

Perhaps to, at one point, air five minutes of commercials. One began to suspect the show had ended. But there was still more money to be wrung from the viewing public by having all of us vote for our favorites and dismiss the rest. Yawn. The fake suspense is killing me.

And while generally entertaining, there were more than a few cringe-worthy moments as the production team ladled on the schmaltz through some of the pre-taped segments, especially the auditions. If the stories they included weren’t heartfelt enough – a father and daughter singing for their cancer-surviving wife and mother as one example – the music swelled behind the tears and ...

OK, I can expect and accept that there’s absolutely going to be a refugee from Hurricane Katrina in Houston. That’s a given. I’m a little surprised she’d show up to audition wearing the floppy housecoat and hairstyle with which she fled the floodwaters more than two years ago.

But if I’m meant to believe everything I saw in the audition process, then I’m also supposed to believe there’s a 42-year-old goofball in Connecticut who’s wetting himself over the opportunity to sing for Michael Bolton – an artist whose schlocky saccharine fluff is made grand fun of in a commercial supporting the show.

Ultimately, the performances themselves were more than acceptable. My favorite performance opening night was by Bolton’s choir, which I thought did the best job with its song. Sadly, however, the performance wasn’t so much a choir as it was a lead vocalist with 19 backup singers.

The group that did the best job as a choir was LaBelle’s group – not too surprisingly, given that there’s just something about gospel music that lends itself to a choir.

There was good energy throughout the two-hour marathon presentation and it’ll be interesting to see how everything comes together tonight.

But by my lights, that writers strike cannot end soon enough.

Features Editor Terry J. Aman compiles the Best Bets for The Minot Daily News.

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