You may as well start sharpening your
pitchforks and lighting your torches now, because you'll need them for the
angry mob you'll be forming by the end of this review. Also, someone should
probably start looking for a rail upon which to run me out of the forum.
See, I thought it was just a faulty
recall. I assumed that the misty watercolor memories lighting the corners of my
mind concerning this installment had just magnified the schmaltz factor,
turning this into "Angel's List" or "Diary of Anne Demon."
And indeed, I'd forgotten plenty about
it. For instance, I'd forgotten the Dark Avenger sketch at the beginning, and
Cordy's "Help! Help!" (again, I believe the coat rack ...) And
of course Doyle's cold, awkward read which is always good for a twinge or two.
I'd forgotten that Angel told Doyle
about the missing day, and that Doyle told Cordy, who ... does she ever bring
that up again? All I remember is Wesley showing up and Cordy kissing everyone.
But back to "Hero." Yes,
you'll want to get those nooses strung up nice and tight back there.
I ... really did not like this one.
Sorry.
Sorry.
No. Really. I'm honestly sorry not
to like it.
I want to like it. Everyone else
likes it. It turns everyone else's heart inside out and I get why. Joss hits
all the notes. There's the big bad evil. There's the sympathetic persecuted
oppressed half-demon people. There's the child demon who's lost faith in
everything. There's the grand assumption that Angel's swooping in to save the
day and that it's all about Angel, the Promised One.
And on one level, I can relate to
Doyle's situation, and here's how. One Christmas break I was heading home from
college and it was incredibly late, and it was snowing quite a lot, and I
happened to pass a car that had stalled. Hmm, I thought. That's too bad. And
then I passed another one and I thought really, what kind of a North Dakotan am
I being? And then I encountered a third car and this time I determined I was
going to stop, and as I did, I realized it was a good friend of mine and his
girlfriend, and their car had stalled. I picked them up and we made it to my
folks and got everyone warm and dry.
But if I hadn't ignored the needs of
the first two motorists, I probably wouldn't have stopped at all. And if Doyle
hadn't ignored his family members in their time of need and the first Visions
he was having, he might have been more inclined to blow off the gray demons.
But more to the point, that was his
introduction to the Scourge, let us never speak of them again. Because they're
so obviously a trope for neo-Nazis. And Angel had to make that sickening
display in order to infiltrate their group and to find out their secret evil
plan ...
... which was to ... track ... 20 or
so ... little gray half-breed demons ... and stop them from fleeing to an
island off of Ecuador. And despite being this paramilitary force and the demons
are trapped and unarmed and it'd be fish in a barrel to destroy them
conventionally, they'll ... shine a big flashlight. That will ... destroy all
the humans in a quarter-mile radius as well as the little gray demons and Angel
and Doyle.
Because they're all about purity.
Roiiiiiight.
I was under the impression from the
third season finale of "Buffy" that pure-blood demons were very, very
large. Indeed, after his Ascension the Mayor wouldn't have even gotten a rash
from that little Beacon thingie. But the Scourge can bask in its glow? Hmmm ...
I need to review my purity codes.
Speaking of the Scourge ... where did
they go? I mean they'd been around for years, right, according to Doyle's
account, and from what we saw they were pretty destructive. So what happened to
them? Angel beat up a couple of them but they can't have been defeated so
easily. They just ... ran away? Went underground? Developed some ninja cyborgs?
What happened to the Scourge?
Presumably the Quintessa set sail and
the little gray dudes got out of there. But again, this is where that little
brat gray dude just ticks me off. I wouldn't have minded a "Geez, I can't
believe he gave his life for us. That was pretty amazing. He must've been the
Promised One after all."
It would only have taken a few moments
away from that incredibly dull running and hiding sequence.
Anyway, I get the attraction. Doyle
tells Cordy the truth! Cordy and Doyle are going to start dating! Everything's
going so well ...
Smooch. Leap. Zzp.
"Is that it? Am I done?"
Dude.
OK, OK. I guess I do like ... some
of it.
But as storytelling goes, I prefer my
brushstrokes less broad and I like fewer than most of them to not trail off
into nothing.
G-d forgive me, but overall,
"Hero" just irritates the crap out of me. There. I've said it.
Let the lynching begin.